The Adventures of Osfala!
by Melkor'sOnlyLieutenant
Summary: A series of Osfala's adventures to prove himself a hero, and to win Princess Zelda's heart. There is practically nothing on Osfala; he needs more love! Warning: Everyone is out of character. And I mean everyone. Also contains creepy, stalker housekeeper. COMPLETE! OH YES!
1. The Stalking Housekeeper

**Yay, another Legend of Zelda fanfic! I finally played A Link Between Worlds and discovered this awesome guy, Osfala! There is hardly any fan art for him, and no fanfiction! Why is there not more of him?! So, I've decided to write about him! He's probably not an option in the characters list though... And since he's my favourite sage, that means I get to torture him! This is a parody, so everyone is OOC and supposed to be that way. Anyway, Osfala, do the disclaimer!**

**Osfala: ...Melkor'sOnlyLieutenant does not own Legend of Zelda. And a good thing she doesn't; look at she's doing to me! **

**Aww, thanks Osfala, you're too kind! Well, I hope everyone enjoys this! Review please!**

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**The Adventures of Osfala!**

*In Kakariko Village. Nice day, the sun is shining, birds are singing, and all that happy stuff. An old lady is sneaking about near SAHASRAHLA'S house. She's obviously waiting for someone, and does not want to be seen*

HOUSE KEEPER*muttering to herself*: I should be inside doing my job right now… but HE will be out shortly. And since he's been managing to avoid me for a while now, I will just have to wait here and confront him, once he comes out! He won't get away from me anymore! *proceeds to laugh like a maniac* AHHAHAHAHAHAHA! *breaks off coughing* …I'll just wait now.

*Door of SAHASRAHLA'S house opens. HOUSE KEEPER stops talking and makes sure she is out of site. An unsuspecting OSFALA comes out of the house. HOUSE KEEPER stares at him with creepy gleam in her eyes.*

OSFALA*too himself*: Now to get to the Eastern Palace, and prove myself a hero to Princess Zelda! *day dreams about princess for a few minutes* Yes, she'll soon see I'm the one for her… *sudden, apprehensive look on his face* Wait… now that I think about it… the HOUSE KEEPER isn't inside. *glances cautiously around* I hope she's not stalking me… but maybe she's just out on an errand. I have nothing to worry about. (I hope).

HOUSE KEEPER *leaps out of hiding place, right in front of OSFALA*: OSFALA! I've finally cornered you!

OSFALA: GAH! *backs away, with horrified look* Where did you come from?!

HOUSE KEEPER: I was hiding, waiting for you to come out of course. *pouts* You've been avoiding me for months now. This was the only way to talk to you. I mean, you haven't left the house in a while; you've just been at your desk. What are you staring at on your desk, anyway?

OSFALA*trying to edge away*: …have you been watching me?

HOUSE KEEPER: Maybe…

OSFALA*creeped out, but trying to act calm*: Then… shouldn't you know what I've been staring at?

HOUSE KEEPER*sulkily*: No, every time I tried to get close, SAHASRAHLA finds a job for me to do. I think he's deliberate trying to keep me away from you! Even in this small house, I can only see you from a distance! He won't even let me look at your desk; every time I go near there, he threatens to fire me!

OSFALA*extremely relived*: Is – is that so? *to himself* Ohthankgoodess! You have your uses after all, SAHASRAHLA… *to HOUSE KEEPER* Well, that's how life is. *tries to edge past her* Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some where to be…

HOUSE KEEPER *blocks OSFALA with an evil gleam in her eyes* Oh no you don't, young man! We need to talk!

OSFALA*trapped, and wishing he could disappear*: Do we?

HOUSE KEEPER: Yes! You've led me on!

OSFALA: ?!

HOUSE KEEPER: It's true! Here I thought you were to be MY hero, but instead, you go and try to prove yourself to Princess Zelda! What does she have that I haven't got! She's just a sheltered princess, who knows nothing about real life!

OSFALA: You're way too old for me! And what do you mean, Princess Zelda knows nothing about life?! Of course she does! She's amazing, wise, beautiful…*rants on for an hour* …and she's perfect! Absolutely perfect!

HOUSE KEEPER*flames in her eyes* _What _was all that you just said?

OSFALA*beyond nervous* And – and when did I ever lead you on?! I never said I'd be your hero!

HOUSE KEEPER: But you did! You gave me this robe as a gift…

OSFALA: It was a gift! Nothing more!

HOUSE KEEPER *suddenly bursts into tears* WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH You cruel man! How could you do this to me?! How could you break my heart?! I'm done with you! You – you – you – you Princess obsessed man with a hero complex! May Princess Zelda never take any notice of you!

*HOUSE KEEPER runs back into the house, sobbing. OSFALA looks a bit stunned. Then relieved. Then outraged.*

OSFALA: What?! I don't have a hero complex! And Princess Zelda will talk notice of me, you just wait!

*A cricket chirps.*

OSFALA: …why am I yelling at the house? She can't even hear me now! Gah, the stupidity of this is rubbing off on me…

*OSFALA leaves, glancing back a few times to make sure HOUSE KEEPER has not resumed stalking him. Dramatic adventure music plays, as our hero(?) begins his quest to win Princess Zelda's heart…*

Stay tuned or Osfala will use his sage powers to smite you all! …Except that the sages never seem to use their power, unless to help Link at the very end.

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**Yay, the end of chapter one! There will be more of Osfala torture sessions! ...I mean, adventures! I hope you enjoyed it!**


	2. Ravio (or Sheerow) Drives a Hard Bargain

**Alright, chapter 2! We get to see Ravio, yay! Man, do I love that guy. As for the sign to Ravio's shop, I can't remember it word for word, and when I tried to look it up, I couldn't find anything. So, I'm sure I got it wrong, but I put in what I remembered. And I'm sorry about my descriptions of places; I'm so bad at describing things. ^_^ Um... Ravio and Sheerow are OOC (I managed to make a bird OOC... I am either very good, or very insane), but then again, so is everyone else... Well, I'll stop blathering. Ravio, do my disclaimer! **

**Ravio: Melkor'sOnlyLieutenant does not own Legend of Zelda or any of its characters. Which is too bad, because if she did, she'd make me very, very rich. Even richer than I get in the game...**

**Osfala: That's not a good thing! If she owned us, we'd all be insane! And she'd bring Yuga and Ghirahim together in a game!**

**Ravio: O_O**

**Yuga & Ghirahim: She recognizes our fabulousness!**

**Okay, guys, calm down. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy! Review, please!**

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*Near the Eastern Palace. OSFALA is blocked from going any further, due to a placed stone door thingy. Two very obvious switches are on either side of an equally obvious platform. A bow and arrow symbol is on each platform of the two switches*

OSFALA: Seriously?! I come all this way, facing all kinds of monsters, and now I'm blocked?! By this stupid, yet obvious door?! Where the heck am I going to get a bow and arrow?! Hyrule's stores don't have much stuff, and they certainly don't have a bow! *proceeds to pace, muttering furiously to himself* How am I supposed to prove myself to the princess?!

*Several minutes of pacing. OSFALA then notices two very conveniently placed signs. Signs shaped like a bunny's head*

OSFALA: …the heck? *reads the sign*

SIGN: ARE YOU THE ADVENTURING TYPE?! WE HAVE THE ITEMS YOU NEED! RAVIO'S SHOP, LOCATED SOUTH OF HYRULE CASTLE

OSFALA: …well, that's awfully convenient.

*Later, at LINK'S hou—I mean, RAVIO'S shop*

OSFALA: Weird place for a shop. It looks more like someone's house, but whatever.

*OSFALA enters shop. Inside is what looks like a normal house set up. Except for one thing. A guy in a purple bunny hood, with a freaky looking bird thing is in the house*

OSFALA*to himself*: What the-? Why is he dressed like that?

RAVIO: Welcome! You here to rent?

OSFALA: I guess…

RAVIO*sudden, greedy gleam in his eyes*: Excellent! Well, I have the –

OSFALA*interrupting*: If this is a shop, then where are your stuff? And why is this set up more like a house?

RAVIO*dismissively* Eh, I'm not quite done setting up yet. But that doesn't mean I'm not ready to rent out items, right Sheerow?

*Bird thing chirps rapidly in agreement. Pecks OSFALA on the head, then zooms back to RAVIO*

OSFALA*jumping*: Your bird thing just pecked me!

RAVIO: Aww, he didn't mean anything by it. He's just playing!

*SHEEROW'S eyes gleam evilly as they stare at OSFALA. SHEEROW makes sure RAVIO is not looking, then proceeds to mime slashing his throat(?) with his wing, all while staring at OSFALA. RAVIO looks back at SHEEROW and SHEEROW resumes acting cute and innocent*

OSFALA*backs away a bit*: Um… then can I rent a bow?

RAVIO*gasps loudly*: A bow?! Why would you want a bow?! *shakes his head* Of all the things to rent, you pick a _bow_.

OSFALA*to himself*: Great, this guy is completely nuts. *to RAVIO* Um… because I need one?

RAVIO: No, you need… *reaches behind something* A SAND ROD!

OSFALA: …?

RAVIO: The sand rod is what every adventurer needs! It manipulates sand!

OSFALA: That's great… but… the Eastern Palace doesn't have sand…

RAVIO*not listening*: Aaaaaannnndddd, it matches your outfit! You'll look great with it! Which is why you need it! And you can rent it for only 100 rupees!

OSFALA: Wonderful, but I don't need -

*SHEEROW dives at OSFALA, gets right in his face, and proceeds to glare so evilly at OSFALA that SHEEROW'S eyes actually glow red*

SHEEROW*so low, RAVIO can't hear*: Rent the sand rod, or I will stalk you and haunt your dreams…

*SHEEROW chirps sweetly, and flies back to an oblvious RAVIO. OSFALA'S eyes widen and he backs up a bit more*

OSFALA: Okay! I'll rent the sand rod! *takes out a silver rupee* Here!

RAVIO*cheerfully* Great doing business with ya! *gives OSFALA the sand rod*

RANDOM VOICE: **Da, da, daaaaaaaa! OSFALA got the sand rod! It's probably useless in a sand less place, but who cares?! It matches his outfit!**

OSFALA: Whaa? Did anyone hear that?

RAVIO: Hear what?

OSFALA: …never mind.

*OSFALA starts to leave, trying his hardest to ignore the evil, meaningful glances SHEEROW keeps throwing at him. He tries to not break into a run*

RAVIO: Oh! One last thing! You can rent that as long as you want, except for one thing. If you fall in battle, then SHEEROW here *gestures at SHEEROW, who does a flip* will swoop in and take the sand rod back to me. And then you'll have to come back. Okay? Good luck!

OSFALA*leaves as fast as he can*: Have that evil bird thing show up while I'm vulnerable?! Never! I never want to see that thing again! I will not fall, if it's the last thing I do!

*Meanwhile, at RAVIO'S shop*

RAVIO*humming*: I'm so glad we convinced him to rent the sand rod, Sheerow. If it had been the bow, then I would have only gotten 10 rupees. *kisses the silver rupee OSFALA gave him* Ah, sweet rupees, what would I do without you? Alright, Sheerow! Let's wait for Mr. Hero! He's sure to need my services, being a hero and all! This is the perfect opportunity to rip him off! *pauses* Um… I mean aide him on his quest!

*SHEEROW chirps in agreement. Then, while RAVIO is polishing his silver rupee, SHEEROW flies out side, to the back of the house. He mysteriously pulls out a picture of OSFALA (how he got that, no one will ever know), manages to stick it on the back of the house, magically pulls darts out of thin air, and proceeds to throw darts (who knows how a bird throws darts) at OSFALA'S picture*

SHEEROW*to himself*: Soon, little man in a dress, soon...

*Back at the two pillars with the switches*

OSFALA*sneezes* …was someone talking about me? Anyways, now what do I do? All I have is a useless sand rod! *Swings it angrily at the stone door. The stone door opens.* …huh. Who knew? Maybe this thing has its uses after all! Apparently it _doesn't _work on just sand! Ha, glory (and Princess Zelda's heart), here I come!

*OSFALA rushes to where the Eastern Palace is. The door closes, just in time to block a boy in green who arrives only moments after OSFALA departs*

Who is that boy in green?! Will the sand rod help OSFALA brave the palace?! Will the reason for SHEEROW'S apparent hatred for OSFALA ever be revealed?! And will RAVIO make a huge profit?! Stay tuned, for the next chapter of Osfala's adventures!

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**Well, the end of another exciting chapter of our hero(?) Osfala! The third chapter will probably be out very, very soon, because I don't feel like waiting to write or upload it for very long. And remember, Sheerow is watching you...**


	3. The Fabulous Duo!

**Wow, this chapter is really long. 9 pages! O_O I had way too much fun writing this. Oh, I'm sorry if the first part of the chapter is not as humorous as the rest; I needed to establish more of the plot (yes, this really does have a plot, even though it is a most ridiculous story. :D) and I had to set up Osfala and Link as rivals. (Oh my gosh, Link is so OOC... I'm so sorry Link!) And beware of clashing timelines... Alright, who will do my disclaimer?!**

**Osfala: No, not on your life!**

**Link: Ooh! Me! Me!**

**Hmmm... hey, how about you, Zelda?**

**Link: ...what?**

**Zelda: Melkor'sOnlyLieutenant does not own Legend of Zelda or any of its characters. All she owns is her insanity.**

**Um... thanks Zelda... I guess? Well, enjoy and review, please!**

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*At the entrance of Eastern Palace. OSFALA has somehow managed to avoid all the monsters, and is about to enter the palace. Suddenly, a boy in green walks up to him. The boy carries a sword.*

OSFALA*sighs to himself*: Oh, for goodness sake, another person seeking this place? Well, I should try to make him leave. *to the boy* Hey! What are you doing here at the Eastern Palace? *pauses* Wait… aren't you that kid who runs around Kakariko Village like he owns the place? The one who ruins people's grass and bushes, and breaks pots, just to find some spare rupees lying around? You're Link, aren't you?

LINK: Yes, I'm Link… And I don't ruin people's grass and bushes! They _pay_ to me to cut their lawns, and if I happen to find a rupee while doing it, then why shouldn't I keep it?

OSFALA: But people don't pay you to break their pottery.

LINK*smirks*: People just stand there, staring blankly ahead, while I break any pots.

OSFALA: …and you also just burst into houses, without any warning, and sleep in their beds…

LINK: Again, nobody does anything. I swear, Hyrule's people are oblivious to everything that goes on, even if that "everything" bit them on the nose.

OSFALA: …I bet you're right. Well, what are you doing here, anyway?

LINK:*goes off into long rant about some crazy clown guy turning people into paintings and LINK needing to protect OSFALA from said crazy clown guy*

OSFALA*shocked*: There's some nut case turning people into paintings?! Well! How rude of him! *gets idea* Well, as they say, when opportunity knocks, open the door. …or something like that. *to himself* If I get to the bottom of this, I can save Hyrule, and Princess Zelda will notice me! She'll be so grateful, she might even kiss me… *daydreams about that kiss for a while*

LINK:*snapping fingers in OSFALA'S face*: Uh, hello? You still with me?

OSFALA*breaks off staring dreamily into distance*: Alright! *flames in his eyes. Gets into epic hero pose* It is clear what I must do! I will head into the Eastern Palace, find that crazy guy, and stop him!

LINK:*now worried* Crap, this isn't how it was supposed to go. No! You're a descendant of one of the Sages, Yuga will be after you! You can't just waltz in and -! *breaks off when OSFALA leans dangerously into his face*

OSFALA*menacingly*: _Excuse me_, you forget who you're talking to. I am the hero, not you, kid! *now preening himself* Not only am I a descendant of a Sage (and just as, if not more, powerful as one, if I do say so myself) I have this sand rod! *brandishes sand rod in LINK'S face, almost hitting him* I am practically invincible!

LINK: No, you're not! Besides, when in Hyrule's history has a Sage ever managed to use their powers to save themselves? They're practically powerless, until the very end, when the hero has rescues them all, and needs their power! That's how it goes! It's the law of the universe! Besides, how is a sand rod going to help?! There's no sand here!

OSFALA: Well, it's a stupid law! And this sand rod has already helped me! It got me through to here, even without that bow and - *breaks off, as he suddenly notices LINK has a bow* …Really? The rabbit guy gave you the bow? Figures. Anyway, I'm more of a hero than you are, and I will prove it, and win the heart of the lovely Princess Zelda.

LINK*eyes flame with sudden rage*: Whaaat?! I'm winning the princess, not you! She'd never go for you!

OSFALA*stands to full height, eyes flash so menacingly that LINK actually backs up*: Oh, dream on, ignorant one. She will choose me, I can assure you. Now, I'm tired of talking to you. *flips hair fabulously* Good. Bye. *then struts into Eastern Palace, LINK for some reason not trying to tackle him to the ground, or something*

LINK*growls*: Oh, this is _war_, Osfala! I'll go in and save you, ('cause I _know_ you'll need saving) because that's what a hero does, and I am a hero, one of the best, in fact, I'm Hyrule's only hero, but I will not give up Zelda's heart! Oh no, she will be mine, and you, pretty little sage man, you will one day admit that I am much more heroic than you, and that you do not deserve the princess! You will humble yourself before me, and I'll make sure Zelda sees it, so she knows what a pansy you are, and then -!

*NAVI suddenly appears!*

NAVI: Hey! Listen!

LINK: GAH! What are you doing here?! Go annoy Ocarina Link, you're his sidekick, not mine! *starts to preen himself, much like OSFALA* After all, I'm so much of a hero, that I don't even need a sidekick, and –

NAVI*vein twitching*: HEY! LISTEN! LISTEN RIGHT NOW!

LINK: What?!

NAVI: I am here to tell you that you need to stop bragging to yourself and go in and progress with the dang plot already! Honestly, Ocarina Link is nowhere as cocky and space headed as you are! He actually does what he needs to do, and is humble to boot! Jeeze, the kids in this timeline have no manners.

LINK: …fine. *stomps off into palace*

*NAVI vanishes*

*OSFALA manages to get through the entire palace, without needing to fight, solve puzzles, find keys, or fight a boss. How he does this shall remain a mystery*

*At the end of the palace*

OSFALA: Alright, I'm at the end. So, where is the -?

*Epic theme music starts to play! YUGA appears with a dramatic flourish!*

OSFALA: GAH! A clown?!

YUGA*offended*: Excuse me, I am _not_ a clown! No, I am PERFECTIOIN! *gasps* Oh, my makeup is smudged! *whips out some eye shadow and eye liner and does some touch ups*

OSFALA: …okay…

YUGA:*puts on some lovely lipstick. Dabs his lips, then turns to OSFALA a fabulous sneer on his face*: There, much better! And now, my pretty little Sage, I shall capture you in a painting, because that's what my evil power consists of! AH HA HA HA HA!

OSFALA: …Wut? And did you just call me pretty? That's creepy, coming from someone like you.

YUGA*ignoring OSFALA*: After all, everything and everyone else in this drab land are too insignificant for my beautiful skills in art, except for you and the other sages! It shall be… fabulouuuuuusss!

*GHIRAHIM suddenly appears!*

GHIRAHIM: Did somebody say fabulous?! *sees YUGA* LE GASP! You look like me!

YUGA: DOUBLE LE GASP! And you look like me!

GHIRAHIM: What a fantastic outfit you have! And such flawless makeup!

YUGA*preening*: Why, thank you! Such a fabulous outfit you have as well! And your make up, you must tell me where you get your brand!

OSFALA*getting more creeped out by the second*: Uh… hello?!

*GHIRAHIM and YUGA turn to him*

OSFALA: What the heck are you two doing?! *points at GHIRAHIM* You! What in Hyrule are you! And what are you wearing?! *points at YUGA* And you, are you supposed to be a villain or not?! And why are you two wearing makeup?!

GHIRAHIM: Well, how rude! I am not a 'what', but a 'who'. I am Demon Lord Ghirahim, also known as Lord Ghirahim the Fabulous! And I am wearing a most fashionable outfit, indeed. Did you not see it worn on one of the models on Hyrule's Next Top Model?

OSFALA: …um no? And Hyrule's next top what?

YUGA: I am a villain! The most perfect villain around! And perfection like me, and Ghirahim here, must have makeup! It is essential!

GHIRAHIM: Yes! FOR

YUGA: WE

GHIRAHIM: ARE

YUGA: THE

GHIRAHIM & YUGA: FABULOUS DUO!

*Sparkles rain down on everyone! Fabulous music plays! GHIRAHIM & YUGA strike fabulous poses! OSFALA just stares at them*

OSFALA*sweat drop*: Is EVERYONE here insane?! I'm about ready to just walk out of here! But if I do, Princess Zelda will not notice me; she'll probably go running to that green twit, if I quit now! *Flames appear behind OSFALA! He assumes the Hero Pose!* For the princess, I will face anything. *glances at YUGA and GHIRAHIM who appear to be exchanging fashion tips* Even if I must face two freaks who frankly will give me nightmares… I must do this. For Princess Zelda!

*Sudden daydream*

ZELDA*long, blond hair flowing in the wind. Sky blue eyes sparkling. Clasps a heroic OSFALA'S hands: Oh, Osfala, you have my eternal gratitude for vanquishing the Fabulous Duo! They were so fabulous, that everyone in Hyrule was dropping dead, unable to take the aura of fabulouness! But you, you alone were able to withstand it!

OSFALA*Picture of extreme humbleness*: Well, I was only doing my civic duty, Princess…

LINK:*stuffed in a trashcan somewhere*: Hiiiiisssss

ZELDA*gazes dreamily at OSFALA*: Oh, you are indeed worthy to be my prince! *leans in to kiss him*

*Day dream comes to violent end, when OSFALA suddenly finds himself floating in the air, trapped the magic of YUGA'S weird magic paintbrush thing*

YUGA: Did you think I forgot about you?!

GHIRAHIM: Oooooh, such elegance, my friend! Well, I'd love to stay and see how this wonderful scene turns out, but I have a Sky Child to find and kill! Looks like you've got it covered! Have fun, my fabulous reincarnation!

YUGA: Have fun killing the first reincarnation of the Hero!

*GHIRAHIM disappears into a cloud of diamonds and sparkles*

OSFALA: OKAY, ENOUGH WITH THE SPARKLES! AND PUT ME DOWN!

*LINK bursts in the room. He sees OSFALA helpless and grins smugly*

LINK: Ha! I told you that you couldn't handle this guy! You're just a wannabe, who thinks he's cool, but is really a complete loser!

*LINK makes the loser sign, and proceeds to do a little victory dance*

OSFALA*vain twitches*: I swear, when I get free, I'm going to KILL this twitchy little brat!

LINK:*wags a finger* Ah ah ah! I'd be polite to the only one who can save me, if I were you! Now, tell me that you give up on Princess Zelda, and I'll free you!

OSFALA: NEVER, YOU BRAT!

YUGA: Huh, teenage drama, eh?

OSFALA: I'm not a teenager!

LINK: Yeah, he's old.

OSFALA*those anime angry marks appear*: You little - !

YUGA*yawns*: This is so un-fabulous. I'm bored. *He turns OSFALA into a painting, therefore breaking off whatever OSFALA was about to say to LINK*

*Meanwhile, at RAVIO'S shop*

RAVIO: That guy in the yellow robe just fell in battle! I can sense it! Sheerow, you know what to do!

SHEEROW*to himself* Hee hee, the moment to further aggravate pretty boy has already arrived! *swooshes off. Exactly half a minute passes. Swooshes in. Chirps frantically to RAVIO*

RAVIO: Whaaat?! That guy is nowhere to be found! My sand rod! Noooooo! How can I further rip him - I mean, reclaim my property now?! Ah, my business will be ruined!

*SHEEROW chirps some more*

RAVIO*calming down*: Oh, right. I still have Mr. Hero! He's sure to be a steady customer! If I'm lucky, he'll fall a lot, so I can rack in those rupees. …I mean… Naw, who am I kidding?! I just want the rupees!

What will happen to Osfala?! Will he ever get free?! Will Ravio ever get his sand rod back?! Will Link stop being a jerk?! And how ever will our hero(?) win Princess Zelda's heart as a painting?! Oh, the drama of it all!

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**Ooooh, boy this was my weirdest yet. Oh, and I know that Yuga is not a reincarnation of Ghirahim; he just looks kinda like him and reminded me of him, so I had to put that in there. Also, if Yuga and Ghirahim seemed... the most OOC out of them all... they were supposed to be. And yes, I broke the forth wall a few times. ^_^**


	4. The Chamber of Idiots I mean Sages

**Another update. Wow, I'm going really fast. But I already pretty much have this story planned out, so I decided to just type the next chapter and post it! Well, Osfala finally has an ally: Irene! Seriously, the guy needed someone on his side. At first, I actually had Osfala as the last Sage rescued, and then remembered that you can't rescue Irene until you rescue Osfala first... *face palm* Well, anyway, let's have Irene do my disclaimer!**

**Irene: Melkor'sOnlyLieutenant does not own Legend of Zelda or any of its characters. Imagine if she did; no one would be able to take the games seriously?!**

**Link: Why can't I do the disclaimer?**

**Osfala: Because no body likes you in this story, including the author.**

**Link: T_T**

**What, Osfala, that isn't true! I like you, Link!**

**Link: Then, why am I such a jerk in this story?**

**... ... Anyways, enjoy and review everyone!**

**Link: You aren't answering my question...**

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*The Chamber of Sages. There are 5 Sages, minus OSFALA and IRENE. They all look bored. Suddenly, LINK appears in the middle of circle of Sages. Seconds later (1.589 ½ seconds, to be exact) OSFALA appears on the remaining circle thing for the Sages*

OSFALA*confused, looking around*: Where - ? *takes in the other 6 Sages. Eyes widen in horror as he sees LINK*: Those 5 other people… you, with the Master Sword… *gasps* Oh, no! Don't tell me - !

LINK*smirking*: Yep! Guess who just saved you, along with the other Sages?! *struts in a circle* Me, that's who! Uh huh! Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh!

*Impa, Oren, and Seres give disapproving sniffs at LINK'S antics. ROSSO looks amused, GULLEY hero-worshipping. OSFALA looks ticked*

OSFALA: Oh no! You cannot be the Hero! You can't!

LINK*smugly*: Oh, but I am! I saved all you Sages from being paintings, and I'm about to save the last Sage, Irene! *smiles evilly. Leans closer to OSFALA. Whispers* And guess what? I got to… meet Princess Zelda! She called me the Hero! She gave me the Pendant of Courage!

OSFALA: This can't be! You, a twitchy little brat?! *grips his hair tightly, shaking his head in despair* A little brat with bad fashion sense is the Hero?! Ahhhh, what is this world coming to?!

LINK*grinning hugely, while the other Sages watch in confusion*: Ha ha! I told ya you were just a wannabe! Zelda will never go for you!

IMPA*angrily*: That is Princess Zelda to you, young man!

LINK*ignoring IMPA*: Anyway, now that I saved your sorry behind, this is the part where you get on your knees, and thank me!

OSFALA: What?! You expect _me_ to show gratitude to _you_?! Over my dead body, twit!

LINK*annoyed*: Wannabe!

OSFALA: Brat!

LINK: Nerd!

OSFALA: Runt!

LINK*eye twitches; 'runt' obviously hit a nerve*: Stalker!

OSFALA: …_Excuse me_, since when am I a stalker?!

LINK: Ever since I saw your desk.

OSFALA: …!

The other 5 SAGES: …?

LINK*grinning maliciously*: Oh, yes. I've seen your desk, Osfala. *turns to other Sages* You know what I found hanging up on the wall by his desk? *Sages shake heads* Why, pictures of Princess Zelda, of course!

*SERES and OREN immediately put heads together, and start to gossip. ROSSO looks amused, as always. GULLEY looks confused. IMPA however…*

IMPA: What?! You, a commoner with a crush on the princess?!

OSFALA*glares at LINK*: You, you… [His insult is censored] …!

LINK: Heh heh heh…

IMPA*to OSFALA*: Little boy, this is a swear-free fan fiction! Watch your mouth! I've half a mind to put you in time out!

OSFALA: Excuse me, I'm a grown man, not a little boy! *IMPA is not listening. OSFALA sighs* Gah, never mind… *to LINK* Well, get out of here now! Hurry up! Oh, and while you're at it, since I can't throw you off your pedestal and resume being a hero, since I'm apparently _stuck _in this stupid chamber, take this and return it to that Ravio guy! And make it snappy! *flings sand rod at LINK, beaming LINK on the head with it*

LINK: OW! Fine, I'll return it, but only because then I can buy it!

*LINK leaves. OSFALA stares at the Sages. They stare at him. Finally, ROSSO address OSFALA*

ROSSO: Well, welcome to the Chamber of the Sages, boy! Make yourself comfortable, get to know your surroundings better, 'cause you will be here for a long, long, long time!

OSFALA: How long have you all been here?

ROSSO: Hmmm… 'bout 3 months.

IMPA: A month.

SERES: er… I don't know… I can't count…

OREN: …I can't count either.

IMPA*rolling eyes*: Oren, 7 months; Gulley, 9 months; and Seres, a little over a year.

OSFALA: O_O That's a really long time!

*Hour passes. LINK appears with IRENE*

OSFALA: …that was… actually really fast.

LINK*smugly*: I'm getting better.

OSFALA*muttering*: Yeah, only took you 6 Sages…

LINK: What was that?

OSFALA*innocently*: Nothing.

IMPA*primly*: Well, young hero, now that all the Sages are gathered, it is time for us to combine our powers, and get you the Triforce of Courage.

OSFALA: Do we have to?

IMPA: Little boy, yes we do! Honestly, I know you are just a little child, but I should think you would be able grasp the seriousness of this situation.

OSFALA: I AM NOT A LITTLE BOY! You've been calling me that for an hour and trying to stick me in the corner! Cut it out! We don't even have a corner in here!

IRENE*now annoyed*: Can we just give greenie the Triforce of Courage now?

*Fanfare! Confetti! Sparkly power comes from the Sages' outstretched hands (OSFALA'S power comes reluctantly)! Aaaannnd…. The Triforce of Courage appears! LINK runs up the magical stairs that magically appeared, and magically connect the circles each Sage is on. As LINK runs past OSFALA, OSFALA tries to push LINK off, but is thwarted by a well-timed energy ball thrown by IMPA. LINK grabs the Triforce!*

RANDOM VOICE: **Da, da, daaaaaaaaaaaaa! Link got the Triforce of Courage! Now he can kick Yuga's butt, and win the hand of the fair Princess Zelda! Go get 'em, tiger!**

OSFALA: Whaaaaat?! Shut up, you stupid Random Voice!

Everyone: …?

IRENE: Uh… you feeling okay?

OSFALA: …perfectly fine. Never mind.

*LINK assumes epic hero pose! OSFALA just barley manages to restrain from smacking him*

IMPA*majestically*: May the Triforce of Courage aide you on your quest to free the princess. I wish you well, young hero.

ROSSO: You're tough, kid! Almost as much as me! You can do it!

GULLEY*eyes sparkling with awe*: You're the best, Link!

SERES & OREN*giggly*: You're cute… *notices the strange looks the other Sages cast them* Er… we mean, good luck!

IRENE: Yeah, thanks for helping me, greenie. Now hurry up, so I can get back to my gram. *everyone except for OSFALA glares at her* …I mean, good luck.

OSFALA: May you fall into an endless abyss. *Everyone, except IRENE, shoots him a death glare* I mean… may you get speared at the end of an enemy's sword. *more glares* I mean… oh, come on, everyone! I can't encourage him, it's against my nature! We're rivals, for goodness sake! It's bad enough I'm stuck here, until he saves the princess!

SAGES: …*they decide to let it slide*

LINK*smugly*: Well, I'm off to save Zelda now! *grins nastily at OSFALA* I bet she'll kiss me for saving her.

*LINK leaves before OSFALA can kill him*

IRENE *to herself*: I can't believe I ever liked that green kid… *to other Sages* …so, how long will we be stuck here?

IMPA: Until the hero succeeds. But it should not be too long. He saved you only an hour after he saved Osfala. The rest of the quest should be easy for him

ROSSO*nodding* Yep! Link's journey is tough, I 'spose. But he should finish it in a jiffy; he has the strength to do so! The boy's tough; he'll win, in the end! He's strong, just like me! *flexes muscles. Then looks OSFALA up and down critically* You, on the other hand, are scrawny. Bet you ain't even a quarter as strong as Link!

OSFALA*twitches*: I… will ignore you.

SERES*skips over to OSFALA'S circle. Gets right in his face*: Do you think I'm pretty?

OSFALA*inches back a bit*: Um… *does not want to admit that any girl could be pretty, other than Zelda*

GULLEY*interrupting*: No! You're ugly, all girls are ugly!

SERES*face crumples*: WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

IRENE: Whoa, girl, calm down!

OSFALA*panicking, trying to plug his ears*: You're pretty! You're pretty!

SERES*tears dry up instantly. Beaming smile, ditzy giggle*: Awww, you say the sweetest things! *skips back to her circle*

OREN*hops to OSFALA'S circle. Gets right in his face*: Do you think I'm fat?

IRENE: ...the heck? What kind of stupid question is that?!

OSFALA*inches back some more*: Um, no. *stares at OREN in disbelief; she is super skinny* Why would I think you're fat?

OREN*pouting*: I AM fat. Why? Because I don't have my smooth stone, and without it, I bloat and bloat, and I don't stop! *starts to wail* I'm fat without it, and I'm uuuuggglllyyy!

OSFALA*hates to see anyone cry*: But you aren't fat! You are as skinny as can be! And you're not ugly, you're very pretty!

OREN*stops wailing. Bats eyelashes*: Really? You think so? *giggles* Why, thank you! *hops back to SERES' circle. Both start to whisper, occasionally casting flirtatious glances at OSFALA*

IRENE*to OSFALA*: I feel sorry for you…

OSFALA*trying to ignore OREN & SERES, and address IRENE*: How can I keep my sanity intact here? *ROSSO suddenly punches OSFALA on the arm* Ow! What was that for?!

ROSSO: You're a wimp, boy! I gotta toughen you up! Now, drop and give me 20!

OSFALA: I am not - !

IMPA: Little boy, respect your elders! Do as Rosso tells you! Honestly, kids these days have no manners!

OSFALA: I am not a little boy!

IMPA: Don't raise your voice at me, little boy!

OSFALA: But I'm not - !

IMPA: What did I tell you?! *flies to OSFALA'S circle* Little boys like you should probably be in bed now, so I understand you are cranky, but you have no right to be rude!

OSFALA: [censored again!]

IMPA: What did I tell you about your mouth?! *raises hand* Little boy, you need a good spanking!

ROSSO: Give me 20 pushups, boy! Then you can run 100 laps! We'll get some muscles on you yet!

SERES & OREN*gossiping and arguing at the same time*: Tee hee hee! Do you think he likes me? No, he likes me! Oooooh, he probably will ask me out on a date! No, he'll ask me!

IRENE: Would ya all leave the guy alone?!

GULLEY*randomly*: Where do babies come from?

*Everyone freezes. IMPA puts her hand down, and returns to her circle, looking scandalized. ROSSO looks amused… again. SERES & OREN look prettily confused. OSFALA & IRENE just stare*

OSFALA: …um, excuse me?

GULLEY: Where do babies come from?

ROSSO: Didn't your parents tell you, kid?

GULLEY*pouting*: No. No one tells me anything.

*ROSSO is at a loss for words. SERES & OREN continue to look confused*

IRENE*now trying not to laugh*: Oh boy, this place suddenly just got entertaining.

IMPA*to OSFALA*: Well, as a responsible adult, you can answer that, can't you?

OSFALA: Oh, now I am adult, am I? Honestly! *to GULLEY* Um, well, you see… babies… come… from… *GULLEY waits patiently* From…

IRENE*whispers to OSFALA*: From storks. My gram used to tell me that. It always works on kids like him, trust me.

OSFALA*gives IRENE grateful look, then address GULLEY*: Storks.

GULLEY: Storks?

OSFALA*with the air of one who has explained this many times*: Yes. Storks. They bring the baby to the parents.

*GULLEY stares at OSFALA. OSFALA tries not to fidget. Suddenly, GULLEY grins*

GULLEY: Oh, I see! Thanks!

OSFALA: You're welcome…

GULLEY: You're smart. Hey, I have some more questions for you! *takes deep breath* Why is the sky blue? How can boats float? What are hot dogs made of? Do animals have souls? Why is grass green? How can birds fly? Can I fly? What is the meaning of life? What does 'truth' mean, exactly? What –

IRENE: The answer to all your questions should be directed to the princess.

GULLEY: Really?

IRENE*nods, looking like a wise sage indeed*: Yes. She has the Triforce of Wisdom. When greenie rescues her, ask her to let you ask her Triforce, and it will tell you anything. Be careful, though; it rhymes.

*GULLEY is satisfied*

SERES & OREN: OSFALA! Who do you think is prettier?! Tell us! And take me on a date!

OSFALA: …?!

IRENE: Oooooh, there's something sparkly over there! *points off somewhere away from the Sages' circles*

SERES & OREN: Ooooooh, shiny! *run off*

OSFALA*to IRENE*: There, there is actually a sane person here! I'm not alone!

IRENE: I'm thinking the same thing.

*The remaining Sages, IMPA & ROSSO, glare at OSFALA & IRENE*

IMPA: Little boy and girl…

ROSSO: Weaklings…

OREN & SERES: GASSSP! That _thing_ is getting cozy with our Osfala!

GULLEY: Hey, I don't know how long it'll be before I can talk to the Triforce of Wisdom! Why can't I just ask you two?!

IRENE: Looks like us sane people will need to stick together…

*IRENE & OSFALA, the only sane people, prepare to meet the oncoming, menacing figures of the other 5 Sages*

*Meanwhile, at SAHASRAHLA'S house. The HOUSEKEEPER is behind the house, next to a huge bonfire. SHEEROW is with her*

HOUSEKEEPER*growling*: How _dare_ Osfala have a girlfriend! And the princess to boot! Well, I'll show him, I won't give up on him! *flings Osfala's pictures of Zelda into bonfire*

SHEEROW*to himself*: Heh, I should have done a bonfire a while ago. *flings pictures of OSFALA into bonfire* Now, if only I had a voodoo doll of him…

*Meanwhile, a figure in green watches the bonfire from a distance. This figure in green is not LINK, but someone else. Someone middle aged… Someone who is more frightening than any villain. One who had defied all the possible timelines…*

How long will the Sages be stuck in the chamber?! Can Osfala, and his new ally Irene, survive the insanity of the other Sages?! How will Osfala survive his two new stalkers?! Who is the mysterious figure in green?! And will Zelda choose Link over Osfala?!

* * *

**Ah, another end to another weird chapter. By the way, can anyone guess who the new comer is at the end? I'll give yummy cookies to whoever does! Oh, and Osfala's stalkers are up to 4 now... will there be any others, I wonder? And what is with Sheerow wanting a voodoo doll?! By the way, should I have Zelda choose Link at the end, or Osfala? Or should she choose neither? Tell me what you think! **


	5. The One, the Only, the Dreaded Tingle!

**These chapters are getting longer... O_O This was actually supposed to be the last chapter, but it turns out I had a few more (insane) ideas. ^_^ This chapter might not be as humorous as the other chapters, but this is really just a filler chapter anyway. Nothing major going on. The next chapter should be better, I promise. :) I just hope Tingle doesn't traumatize anyone... (By the way, he's REALLY hard to write). Anyway, I believe it's Yuga's turn to do the disclaimer!**

**Link: For the love of Nayru, why can't I do it?!**

**Because I said so.**

**Link: -_-**

**Yuga: Melkor'sOnlyLieutenant does not own Legend of Zelda or any of its characters. If she did, my fabulous self would be in all the games!**

**Ghirahim: And there would be sparkles! And rainbows! Did I mention my heart is filled with rainbows?!**

**Yes, Ghirahim. Many, many times. And there would not be any sparkles or rainbows! That's your business, not mine!**

**Ghirahim & Yuga: T_T**

**Zelda: And now you've made them cry.**

**...Enjoy and review, please!**

**Zelda: Heartless girl...**

* * *

*The Chamber of Sages. 5 Sages, minus OSFALA and IRENE, are huddled together, whispering. They occasionally glance at OSFALA and IRENE, who are both trying to ignore them*

IRENE*whispering*: It's been, like, 5 months since greenie rescued me. Why is he taking so long?

OSFALA*whispering back*: Because Link is an idiot. Do you really think he went right off to save the princess?

IRENE: …I'd assume so.

OSFALA: No. He's taking so long, because he's doing side quests.

IRENE: …side quests…?

OSFALA*nodding*: Side quests. Seriously, he spends maybe an hour on the main quest, then he runs off and starts running errands for all these people (and some non-people) so he can get rewards. Like rupees and such. Then, after days of side questing, he invests a whole other hour to the main quest.

IRENE: …

IRENE: …

IRENE: …We are so screwed.

OSFALA: …I know.

*OREN and SERES suddenly jump in front of OSFALA*

OREN & SERES: Osfala, why aren't you paying attention to us?! Why are you talking to that, that, that ugly thing! *gestures dramatically at IRENE*

IRENE: Excuse me, what did you just say?!

SERES: You heard us! You stay away from our Osfala, if you know what's good for you!

OREN: What she said!

OSFALA: Would you two calm down? I've told you practically every minute of these 5 months that I am attracted to Princess Zelda, not you two!

IRENE: And even if he didn't like Zelda, he wouldn't go for you two.

*OREN snaps and smacks IRENE across the face. SERES claps. OSFALA sweat drops*

IRENE*flames appear behind her*: Oh, that is _it!_

*IMPA suddenly joins!*

IMPA: Behave, children! Or do I have to put you all in time out?!

ROSSO: Impa, they need discipline! Exercise is just the thing! 1,000 laps, everyone!

GULLEY: Heeeyyy, I have more questions!

*OSFALA twitches*

IRENE*has somehow managed to gag and tie up OREN & SERES*: Okay, people, we've been at this for 5 months. Enough is enough.

OREN & SERES*through gags*: Mmmmffff!

IMPA*to IRENE*: Young lady, how do you tie up two delightful young women! Time out for you!

ROSSO:*to IRENE & OSFALA*: Both of you! 2,000 extra laps!

OREN & SERES: Mmmmmmffff!

GULLEY*to IRENE*: Can I have a puppy?

*OSFALA'S eye twitches. Repeatedly*

IRENE: ...Ask your parents when we get out of here.

GULLEY: But what if we never leave?

IRENE: We will one day…

GULLEY: But what if Link dies? What if he wins, but we're stuck here forever? What if _we_ die?

What if we get turned to paintings again? What if - ?

IRENE*losing her cool*: None of that is gonna happen! We'll get out, so stop whining, for Din's sake!

GULLEY: …

OREN & SERES*breaking free of their bonds*: OSFALA, Irene is a meanie! Make her stop bullying us! We didn't do anything wrong! *starts high pitched wailing*

GULLEY: But what if we don't get out?

*OSFALA reaches his limit*

OSFALA: FOR THE LOVE OF NAYRU, SHUT UP!

*Everyone stops talking*

OSFALA: I'VE HAD IT! I CAN'T STAND YOU PEOPLE! YOU'RE ALL INSANE! ALL OF YOU!

IRENE: …I feel insulted now.

OSFALA*calming down*: I didn't mean you, Irene. You're the only normal one here. *points at other Sages* I meant them!

*The 5 Sages stare at him. OREN, SERES & GULLEY start to cry. Very loudly*

OREN, SERES, & GULLEY: WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OSFALA DOESN'T LIKE US!

IRENE: Oh no… Osfala, you've set them off!

OSFALA: …crap.

IMPA: You rude child! You will get a spanking for this!

ROSSO: Boy, you've earned yourself 10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,001 push-ups!

*OSFALA & IRENE groan. Suddenly…*

*OSFALA & IRENE are in front of Hyrule Castle! LINK and ZELDA are there! For some reason, the other 5 Sages aren't in sight*

OSFALA & IRENE: …?!

LINK*huge, smug grin*: I just saved Zelda and Hyrule!

OSFALA*disbelieving*: …You did?

LINK: Duh! Didn't you hear what I just said?

OSFALA*stunned*: You… saved Hyrule? YOU?! Really?! No, no, that isn't possible.

LINK*irritated*: How is that so hard to believe?

OSFALA: Because you are the dumbest person I've ever met!

LINK: What was that?!

OSFALA*ignoring LINK*: And not only that… he's saved the princess! *Grips head in hands* Noooo! You green twit! You took away my chance, my only chance! *points dramatically at LINK* And now, now I'll never be a hero! And it's all your fault!

IRENE: Osfala, you really need to calm down.

OSFALA: Calm down?! How can I calm down?!

IRENE: Because the princess is staring at you…

*Indeed, ZELDA gives OSFALA a strange look*

OSFALA*turns bright red*: Um…

LINK*to himself*: Heh heh, now Zelda will never go for him.

ZELDA*walks over to OSFALA*: Are… you alright?

OSFALA: Um…

ZELDA: You seem…

OSFALA*turns brighter red*: I… um…

ZELDA*places hand on OSFALA'S forehead*: Oh my goodness! You're burning up! *worried expression* What _happened _in that Chamber? Did you get sick?! How terrible!

LINK*not liking where this is going*: Princess! He's not ill, he's blushing! And he's the one I said that has all those pictures of you! The stalker, remember?

OSFALA*turns even redder*: I – I can explain - !

ZELDA: So, you're the one with those pictures? *smiles brightly* Why, how sweet of you! You care for me that much?!

*Every Sage, even IRENE, stare at ZELDA, dumbstruck. OSFALA looks confused. LINK… LINK collapses*

ZELDA: And not only that, you put yourself in danger, knowing you were a Sage, just to help me? Why, that's the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me! And you had to suffer in that Chamber too!

*LINK twitches on ground. OSFALA still tries to process this new information*

ZELDA*beaming*: Why, you are just as heroic as Link!

LINK: Whaaat?!

IRENE: …I did not see this coming.

OSFALA*finally processing what is going on*: R-really?

ZELDA: Yes!

OSFALA*starting to puff up*: Well, you know, I was only doing what I had to do, Princess. And it was all for you, of course.

ZELDA*sparkling eyes*: What a wonderful person you are! So selfless!

OSFALA: Eh heh. Selfless. That's me.

LINK: No! He's as selfish as you get! Princess, you can't trust him! He only wants to take advantage of you!

OSFALA: I do not!

LINK: Do to!

OSFALA: Do not!

LINK: Do to!

OSFALA: Do not!

LINK: Do to!

OSFALA: Do not!

LINK: Do to!

OSFALA: Do to!

LINK: Do not! *pauses* Wait, what?

IRENE*sweat drops*: So… can we get on with the plot already?

LINK: Plot? What is this 'plot' you speak of?

*OSFALA and IRENE face palm*

ZELDA: Are you two… fighting over me?

OSFALA & LINK*glances at each other*: Maybe…?

ZELDA: Awww, how sweet!

OSFALA & LINK: Phew…

ZELDA: But… who should I pick?

IRENE: Whoever will annoy you the least.

ZELDA: But neither of them annoy me! Well, at least not yet…

LINK: You should pick me! I'm the Hero! I saved you!

OSFALA: Link is an arrogant jerk! All he cares about is being the Hero! I, on the other hand, did not set out for glory or to be a hero.

LINK*raises eyebrow*: Oh, you didn't, did you?

OSFALA*haughtily*: I most certainly did not. I set out for the princess. To help ensure her kingdom would stay peaceful.

IRENE*to LINK*: …Greenie, at this rate, Osfala's gonna win.

LINK: Never!

ZELDA: Well… I think you both are wonderful. But, if I have to pick, then I choose…

*Suddenly!*

INVISIBLE VOICE: Tingle! Tingle! Koo-loo Limpah!

*TINGLE appears out of nowhere on his weird, balloon thingy that somehow lifts him to the sky! He snatches ZELDA*

ZELDA: Oh my Din! It's – it's –

LINK: Tingle?!

OSFALA & IRENE: …Who?

LINK*traumatized*: That, that, _thing _has been seen, sometimes even encountered, by Heroes of past times.

OSFALA: …and he's still alive?

LINK*shuddering*: It… never dies.

TINGLE*spotting LINK*: Ooooh, hello, Mr. Fairy! Tingle hasn't seen you in forever!

LINK: …

TINGLE: Mr. Fairy, aren't you glad to see Tingle?

LINK: NO!

TINGLE: What did Tingle do wrong, Mr. Fairy?

ZELDA: Liiiiink! Kill it!

LINK: I – I'll try!

*Epic back ground music plays! LINK whips out his bow, and aims it at TINGLE. TINGLE just watches, with a crazy grin on his face. OSFALA & IRENE stare*

LINK*in epic, hero, slow motion*: Dieeee! *Slow motion continues. Pulls back bow and shoots!*

*Slow motion. Arrow flies toward TINGLE. TINGLE just floats there. Arrow hits TINGLE right in the chest, above the heart. It does nothing*

TINGLE: Mr. Fairy, why did you do that?

*LINK flings bombs. No effect. Fire rod unleased! No effect. (Although Zelda's hair is singed. Ice rod! No effect*

ZELDA: Link, hit him, not me! Gah! You singed my hair! And now I'm going to have frost bite! You keep missing him, hit him already!

LINK: Well, excuuuusseee me, Princess! I'm trying my best!

TINGLE: Mr. Fairy, Tingle only wants his dream.

OSFALA: What in Hyrule is your dream?

*Beautiful violien music plays in back ground. TINGLE, while still in the air and holding ZELDA, assumes the 'long-suffering pose'*

TINGLE: Tingle only wants to be a real fairy one day, like Mr. Fairy!

OSFALA: …?

IRENE: But… greenie isn't a fairy.

TINGLE*not listening*: Even though I'm 35 -

OSFALA & IRENE: 35?!

TINGLE: - and my dad tells me to give up the fairy business –

LINK: Um.. you're dad is dead, dude. You've been alive for centuries.

TINGLE: -Tingle knows he will be a fairy one day. Tingle has tried several methods. Tingle tried to gather force gems, tried to fuse Kinstones, made up his own spell, and has studied Mr. Fairy for years –

LINK: Studied?! Are you stalking me?!

TINGLE: Tingle has not become a fairy. So, Tingle has one last idea. Tingle has decided that if he takes Mr. Fairy's girlfriend -

LINK*blushing*: Well, she's not my girlfriend yet.

OSFALA: And she never will be!

TINGLE: -and when Mr. Fairy tires to save her, Mr. Fairy will make Tingle a fairy!

OSFALA: What kind of logic is that?!

LINK: …Tingle logic.

IRENE: It doesn't make sense.

LINK: Exactly.

TINGLE: Tingle doesn't understand why Mr. Fairy won't make Tingle a fairy. Tingle has wished upon the star and even dresses like a fairy!

OSFALA: …your outfit will give me nightmares.

TINGLE: So, Tingle has to take Mr. Fairy's girlfriend.

ZELDA: GAH! NO! PUT ME DOWN, YOU FREAK!

*TINGLE vanishes!*

LINK*falls to his knees*: Noooooo!

IRENE: Get it together greenie! *straightens her hat* Well, there's only one thing we can do.

OSFALA: We have to save the princess!

LINK*sniffles*: I hate to admit it… but you're right. For Zelda, we must face the worst possible enemy of all. The stuff on nightmares. Something that would traumatize little children. We must find –

ALL: Tingle!

*Meanwhile, in a restored Lorule. RAVIO and HILDA are in Lorule Castle. RAVIO is running around, frantically searching. HILDA is trying to get his attention*

RAVIO: Sheerow! Sheerow, where are you?! Sheeeerooowww!

HILDA: Ravio…

RAVIO: Sheerow, come here! We have to count all the rupees we made, remember?!

HILDA: Ravio…

RAVIO: Oh noooo! What if something happened to him?! Sheerow is so innocent, he can't take care of himself! What if he's out there, all alone, and someone… cages him! *shudders in horror* Oh, my poor little Sheerow!

HILDA: Ravio!

RAVIO: What?

HILDA: I know where your pet is…

RAVO: You do?! Oh, Princess Hilda! Thank you!

HILDA*hands RAVIO a letter*: I found this on the ground, while you were looking for him.

LETTER: Dear Ravio,

I am sorry if I worry you. I want to say that you are a good master and I'm not abandoning you. But, I had to go back to Hyrule. With powers of my own, I was able to return. You see, there is an enemy of mine that I must exterminate. I didn't have time before, but now that you are home, and with your girlfriend –

*RAVIO breaks off reading letter. He coughs. HILDA just beckons for him to continue*

LETTER: I don't need to worry. So, I will return as soon as I hunt down that yellow robed guy and send him to the underworld! You may ask how I, a little bird, can do such a thing. Well… [Explanation is censored for much violence] Anyway, don't wait up for me. I'll be back soon.

-Sheerow

RAVO & HILDA: …

RAVIO: He – he can write?!

HILDA*face palms*

Our hero(?) Osfala has a new quest! He must join forces with Link and Irene to rescue Zelda from the dreaded Tingle! Will they reach her in time?! Will Sheerow find Osfala?! What in the world does Sheerow have against Osfala?! And who will Zelda choose in the end?!

* * *

**PLOT TWIST! Oh my Hyrule, Tingle is an antagonist?! Oh Din, here we go! And Sheerow is on the loose! What will Osfala do?! By the way, did anyone catch a little cartoon reference I made? Hmmm? ^_^**


	6. The Amazing Quest of Amazingness!

**Oh yes, the muse for this story has returned to me! *woots* I was going to have a Sheerow filler chapter instead, but I came up with this, so there ya go. Oh, the drama is mounting, what will happen next?! Anyway, time to check my "Disclaimer People" list... hmmm... the next person is... Oh my Din, it's Tingle?!**

**Tingle: yay! Tingle Tingle Koo-loo Limpah! **

**Oh no! Not on my life! Quick! Someone else take his place!**

**Link: I'll do it!**

**...Quick! Someone else take his place!**

**Link: _**

**Hilda: I'll do it... Melkor'sOnlyLieutenant does not own Legend of Zelda or any of its characters. She does own her obsessive fangirlness over it, though...**

**Thanks, Hilda, you are a life saver!**

**Hilda: ...just get on with the story.**

**Link: Why does she never let me do the disclaimer?**

**Anyway, enjoy and review, please!**

* * *

*Somewhere in Hyrule. In the wild, surrounded by trees and grass and small animals and stuff like that. At one point, a Bird of Dramatic Doom (a rare race, that is) zoomed by overhead, but our heroes(?) missed it. Which is probably good, since if they had seen it, the Bird of Dramatic Doom would have initiated its Dramatic Doom of Terror attack, and thus this story would end. But it didn't happen, and the Bird of Dramatic Doom flew off into the sunset, never to be seen in Hyrule again…*

LINK: As the sun sets, the Hero, the Witch, and the Idiot…

OSFALA: What was that?!

LINK: …travel the dangerous terrain of Hyrule. Although their lives are constantly at stake, the 3 companions have summoned all the courage they can muster, so that they may succeed in their quest to save the fair, beautiful, wise, amazing, wonderful, talented (2 hours pass) magnificent…

IRENE: Get on with it!

LINK: …Princess Zelda. They have toiled for many, many moons…

OSFALA: We've been searing for half a day. She was taken this morning.

LINK: …and they have encountered many ferocious and deadly monsters…

IRENE: We came across 3 green chus.

LINK: …and using their wits and courage, they quickly dispatched of said monsters, thus clearing the way to the princess. Unfortunately, even though they have searched far and wide…

OSFALA: We haven't gotten that far yet.

LINK: …there has been no sign of the princess. Now, at the edge of despair…

IRENE: What despair?

LINK: …the 3 companions are faced with a difficult choice: Must they renounce the quest as impossible, or continue on, even though there is likely not a chance of success?

OSFALA: Since when is there no chance of success?!

LINK: For that is what the Witch and the Idiot believe. That they will fail. However, the Hero, ever vigilant, urges them to continue, and to never give up. With the Hero's infinite wisdom, courage, and power, the Witch and the Idiot, although helpless and nowhere near as wonderful and heroic as the Hero, are able to stand tall again, ready to face these trials and tribulations.

IRENE & OSFALA: What was that?! Since when did we give up hope?!

IRENE: Since when are we helpless?! Osfala and I are Sages, we have power!

OSFALA: And since when did we ever look to _you_ for hope? We'd never do that; if we did, we'd all be doomed in 2 seconds flat!

LINK: …

LINK: …

LINK: …And thus, the 3 companions come to the end of another day, without the princess, but ready to face the next day, all in hope of saving Princess Zelda.

OSFALA: …He's hopeless. Absolutely hopeless.

IRENE: He's like talking to a brick wall.

LINK*starts, as if he just noticed them*: Huh? Did you guys say something?

OSFALA & IRENE*face palm*

*Meanwhile, in the Lost Woods*

*TINGLE floats down into the middle of a clearing. He puts ZELDA down, but continues to hover on his red balloon*

ZELDA*hair disheveled, absolutely furious*: How dare you treat me like this! I am a princess! And if you think I'm going to stick around, you're sadly mistaken! I happen to know my way around these woods!

*ZELDA runs off. TINGLE follows. A few minutes pass, and TINGLE returns with ZELDA. Repeat process 20 times*

ZELDA*panting*: How?! How are you able to capture me each and every time?!

TINGLE: Tingle cannot let you leave. Not until Mr. Fairy comes, and turns Tingle into a fairy.

ZEDLA: But Link can't turn you into a fairy! He isn't magical!

TINGLE: Mr. Fairy is a fairy. Of course he can turn Tingle into a fairy.

ZELDA*at her last straw*: No, he can't! He's a Hylian, not a fairy! Even another fairy can't turn someone into a fairy! *runs off without warning*

TINGLE: Tingle wonders why she keeps doing that. Doesn't she like Tingle?

*TNGLE follows. ZELDA, meanwhile, decides to take a different path. She runs to where the Master Sword is*

ZELDA: Okay, I have to have lost him now. No one but the Hero, the Princess, and the Sages can find here.

*TINGLE floats in!*

ZELDA*screaming in horror*: How?! How is that possible?!

TINGLE: Tingle doesn't think Mr. Fairy will find us in here. *sees Master Sword* Ooooh, Mr. Fairy's sword! *light bulb!* Maybe if Tingle gives Mr. Fairy his sword back, Mr. Fairy will turn Tingle into a sword!

*TINGLE grabs the Master Sword before ZELDA can stop him. A flash of light, and out emerges…*

*Meanwhile, with OSFALA'S group*

LINK: We've been looking forever! Where could that creep have taken her?!

OSFALA: We've only been looking for half a day…

LINK: Exactly! Forever! Forever, I tell you! *eye twitches like a manic*

IRENE: Okay….

OSFALA: Link does kind a have a point though.

IRENE: He does?

LINK: I do? *pause* I mean… well, of course I do! *another pause* Um… what point do I have?

OSFALA*rolls eyes*: This wandering we've been doing… is exactly that! Wandering! We don't have the faintest idea of where to look!

IRENE: You're right. That freak of nature could have taken the princess anywhere!

LINK: WAAAAHHH! WE ARE DOOMEND! WE'LL NEVER FIND HER! *grips head in hands* TO THINK, THAT AFTER ALL I WENT THROUGH, IT SHOULD COME TO THIS! ZEEEEEELLLLLDDDDAAAAA!

OSFALA & IRENE: …

*Suddenly, Ocarina Link and Navi appear!*

LINK: Gyahhh?!

OSFALA: O_O

IRENE: …What the?

OCARINA: _This_ is what one of my reincarnations came to? *shakes head sadly* Oh, the world is a cruel place.

OSFALA*muttering*: I hear ya.

IRENE: Um… can we help you?

NAVI: Hey! Listen!

OCARINA: I'm here to tell you where Tingle is.

OSFALA & IRENE: Really?!

OCARINA: Yes. The author of this fan fic would like to move things along, but as she sees that you 3 are not capable of finding Tingle on your own, she sent me.

OSFALA: Orly?

OCARINA: Really. You guys are kind of slow.

LINK: What was that?!

OCARINA: …especially you.

NAVI: Hey! Listen! Watch out! Listen!

OCARINA*to himself*: I swear, when I get back to my timeline, I'm going to put her in a bottle. *to others* Tingle is in the Lost Woods. So, get going.

NAVI: HEY! LISTEN! LISTEN! HEY! HEY! WATCH OUT! LISTEN! HEY!

OSFALA: WHAT?!

NAVI: Go to the Lost Woods. Tingle is there.

IRENE: This guy just told us that!

OCARINA*in long suffering tones*: Ignore her. She always does that.

*OCARINA & NAVI vanish*

OSFALA: Well, that was weird.

IRENE: Yep.

LINK: To the Lost Woods!

*At that moment, a bunch of monsters jump out at them, some knocking over LINK*

-NEWS FLASH. THE AUTHOR MUST SENSOR THIS BATTLE, AS IT CONTAINS MUCH VIOLENCE AND GORE. LET IT SUFFICE TO SAY THAT IT CONTAINS A MUCH BEATEN UP LINK AND A VERY, VERY ANGRY LEAF-

LINK*out of breath*: That – that was the most grueling battle I've ever fought!

OSFALA*also out of breath*: Who knew leaves could be so violent?!

IRENE*out of breath as well*: At least the monsters took most of the damage.

*Meanwhile, in Lorule*

RAVIO*pacing*: It's been so long! Sheerow isn't back!

HILDA: It's been half a day.

RAVIO: Exactly! That's so long!

HILDA: …

HILDA: Shouldn't you be more concerned that your pet wants to kill someone?

RAVIO: LE GASP! Kill someone?! My little Sheerow?! Princess, he's as gentle as a mouse!

HILDA: …not according to the letter.

RAVIO: Sheerow was just letting off a little steam. He didn't mean anything.

HILDA: Just keep telling yourself that…

RAVIO: Anyways, I must be brave! Sheerow said he'd come back, and I know he's a bird of his world!

HILDA: …so that's what his pet is.

RAVIO: He'll be back! I just have to wait! In the meantime, I will count all my rupees!

HILDA: Rupees that you have generously donated to help the citizens of Lorule rebuild their lives.

RAVIO: …

RAVIO: …

RAVIO*pained smile*: Of – of course.

HILDA*smirking*: And to help rebuild Lorule, of course.

RAVIO: …of course.

HILDA: I knew we'd be thinking the same thing.

*Meanwhile, somewhere in Hyrule. SHEEROW is tracking OSFALA*

SHEEROW: Hmmm, for a puny guy in a dress, he sure moves fast. Oh well, I have all the time in the world. I'll catch up to him…

*Suddenly, a pack of monsters pounce SHEEROW*

SHEEROW*eyes glowing red*: Initiate Ninja Sheerow Transformation!

*Monsters stop attacking in confusion. A flash of light! A transformed Ninja SHEEROW appears!*

SHEEROW: Dieeeeeeeeeee!

*SHEEROW attacks with amazing ninja moves! Monsters take damage! Panic and chaos!*

SHEEROW: AH HA HA HA! DIE, PATHETIC WORMS! DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

*Meanwhile, the HOUSEKEEPR is tracking down OSFALA as well*

HOUSEKEEPER*muttering*: Leave me behind to go looking for some princess, eh? You won't get away with it, mister! I'm not giving up on you! *takes secret picture of OSFALA out of her pocket* We'll soon be together, my dear… *kisses picture*

*Meanwhile, our heroes(?) enter the Lost Woods*

LINK: Finally. That took forever.

IRENE: It took 20 minutes.

LINK: Forever.

OSFALA: Shouldn't you be more in shape?

LINK: Says the man with the noodle arms!

OSFALA: What was that?!

LINK: Ya heard me!

OSFALA: You thug!

LINK: Weakling!

OSFALA: Illiterate!

LINK: Book worm!

OSFALA: Runt!

LINK*twitching*: Again… with… the… runt!

IRENE: Would you two knock it off?!

*Suddenly, they hear ZELDA'S scream!*

All 3: Princess!

*They run until they reach to where the Master Sword is. There, ZELDA is backing away, looking horrified*

LINK: Princess! We've found you!

OSFALA: Are you alright?!

IRENE: …something's wrong.

*At that moment, a figure emerges. It is terrifying, it is impossible, it defies all laws of physics, it is…*

BOSS BATTLE ANNOUNCER: **TINGLE FAIRY, TERROR OF HEROES AND LITTLE CHILDREN EVERYWHERE**

What will happen?! Will they be able to defeat the Tingle Fairy?! Will Sheerow and the Housekeeper find Osfala?! How will Ravio bear to part with his precious rupees?! And Sheerow is a ninja?!

* * *

**Oh, the plot twists keep coming! There will be maybe one chapter (possibly two) left, and then some bonus chapters! I hope you all enjoyed!**


	7. The Tingle Fairy! Save Us All!

**Aaaannnddd... I'm dead! Oh man, this chapter was hard to write. I don't know why... I think I've finally reached my limit with this story. I'm running out of ideas and motivation... Anyway, this is the last chapter, excepting an epilogue and a few bonus chapters. The bonus chapters were star other characters who showed up in this story. This end might seem rushed, I honestly don't know. Any way, Link! It is your turn to shine! Do mah disclaimer! **

**Link: R-really?!**

**Yes! **

**Link: I - I -! Squueeeee! I'm so excited!**

**...great. Now would you get on with it?**

**Link: Oh, right! *ahem* ... ...**

**What's wrong?**

**Link: I don't remember what to say!**

**Whaaat?! How could you forget?!**

**Vaati: That fool... I'll do it.**

**Link: What? No! Wait!**

**Vaati: Melkor'sOnlyLieutenant does not own Legend of Zelda or any of its characters. If she did, she wouldn't need to be writing this pathetic story.**

**...and now I'm feeling insulted. But whatever.**

**Link: I... was... so... close.**

**Anyway, enjoy and review, please!**

**Link: T_T**

* * *

PREVIOUSLY…

*The TINGLE FAIRY attacks!*

BOSS VOICE ANNOUNCER: **TINGLE FAIRY, TERROR OF HEROES AND LITTLE CHILDREN EVERYWHERE**

*LINK, OSFALA, and IRENE stare in horror as a huge shadow looms toward them. A terrifying yell, and out. Comes! The! TINGLE FAIRY!*

LINK: Oh, for the love of Nayru, it's terrible! It's hideous! It's - !

IRENE: …It's tiny.

*A tiny, tiny little green fairy, only 4 ¾ inch tall, flies out from behind a bush. Its huge shadow is just a trick on the eyes, thanks to the sunlight*

TINGLE FAIRY*teeny voice*: Tingle Tingle! Koo-loo Limpah! *sprinkles sparkles on LINK*

LINK: GAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! IT'S GOT ME! *falls to the ground* IT HIT ME! I'M DOOOOMMMMEEED! *falls silent, quite still except for an occasional twitch*

OSFALA: …you're fine, you idiot.

IRENE: You don't even have a scratch.

ZELDA*to herself*: _This_ is the hero who saved me?

LINK*lets out a small gasp*: The… end… is… nigh!

OSFALA*sighs*: Oh, never mind! No one would be able to get through to this guy!

*TINGLE FAIRY suddenly grows over 100 ft tall*

OSFALA, IRENE, & ZELDA: O_O

TINGLE FAIRY: Tingle is finally a fairy! *notices the still twitching LINK on the ground* Thanks to your sword, Mr. Fairy, Tingle was able to achieve his dream!

LINK: GASSSSSPPP. DYING!

TINGLE FAIRY: Now that Tingle is a fairy –

ZELDA: Hey! What have you done to the Master Sword!

*Everyone (excepting LINK) looks to the pedestal the sword used to be at. The Master Sword has shrunk to the size of a key chain*

OSFALA: …?! How is that possible?!

IRENE: Tingle somehow managed to absorb the power of the Master Sword, which enabled him to turn into a giant fairy!

ZELDA & OSFALA: …How did you know that?

IRENE*smugly*: I'm a witch. I know magic.

TINGLE FAIRY*continuing as if he were never interrupted*: -Tingle can play with his fellow fairies! And everyone will want to be Tingle's friend and buy his maps!

ZELDA*running to LINK*: Link, get up! We have to try to return the Master Sword its power!

LINK: Princess! Dying! Kiss me…

ZELDA: NOT NOW, YOU FOOL!

LINK*shoots to his feet. Salutes ZELDA*: Yes, ma'am!

ZELDA*smugly*: Works every time.

*Suddenly, Ninja SHEEROW appears! He spots OSFALA and speeds toward him*

SHEEROW: I've finally found you! Prepare to die! *takes out mini ninja sword* AAAAAHHHHH!

OSFALA: ARGHHHHHH! IT'S CAME BACK! *runs off*

SHEEROW: Think you can get away?! *pulls out rope, swings it, and snags OSFALA'S legs*

OSFALA*falling down*: ?!

SHEEROW: Got you now! *zooms to OSFALA, and thrust his ninja sword at him*

OSFALA: Oh my goddesses! I'm going to be killed by a bird!

*Suddenly, the HOUSEKEEPER appears!*

HOUSEKEEPER*sees OSFALA in danger*: Don't worry, my love! I will save you! *assumes heroic pose, than pounces on SHEEROW*

SHEEROW: What –what the?! Hey, get off, ya old hag! Gah! You – you [censored!]

*A short break to Lorule*

RAVIO: O_O

HILDA: What?

RAVIO: My – my innocent Sheerow just… said a bad word!

HILDA: …How would you know that?

RAVIO: I can sense when he's being bad!

HILDA: …

*Back to Hyrule. The HOUSEKEEPER and SHEEROW are fighting. The HOUSEKEEPER pulls a broom out of nowhere and starts trying to swat SHEEROW with it. SHEEROW slashes at her broom with his ninja sword. OSFALA lies forgotten on the ground. He gets up and edges away from the fighting duo. Neither notice. Suddenly…*

TINGLE FAIRY: Mr. Fairy, why are you jabbing Tingle with a key chain?

*LINK has the teeny Master Sword and tries to kill the TINGLE FAIRY with it. OSFALA, ZELDA, & IRENE face palm*

ZELDA: Link! That won't stop him!

TINGLE FAIRY: Oh! Tingle just realized something. Mr. Fairy is mad, because not that Tingle is a fairy, Mr. Fairy thinks Tingle won't come to talk to him anymore!

LINK: Wha-? No! I'm not - !

TINGLE FAIRY: Don't worry, Mr. Fairy! Tingle won't forget you! But Tingle has to take the key chain now, just in case Mr. Fairy accidently reverses the spell, and Tingle changes back.

*TINGLE FAIRY snatches LINK out of the air. He takes the Master Sword, than drops LINK*

ZELDA: Link, you idiot!

OSFALA*to himself*: This – this is my chance. My chance to prove to the princess that I am the man for her! *Epic hero music begins! OSFALA assumes the most epic pose of all time! He readies his Sage powers! He aims at the TINGLE FAIRY, ready to reverse the spell, and put all the magic in TINGLE FAIRY back to the Master Sword! He pulls back to shoot…*

HOUSEKEEPER: Sweetie!

SHEEROW: Die, worm!

*SHEEROW and HOUSEKEEPER tackle OSFALA to the ground*

OSFALA: Gah! Get off! …! You stupid bird, stop trying to strangle me! Hey, is that pepper spray?! Ow! Ow! It is! It is! AAAAAHHHHH!

ZELDA & IRENE: …

IRENE*straightens hat*: Alright. LINK obviously has no idea what he's doing. OSFALA is being murdered by a bird and possibly an old lady. It's time for the women to take over.

ZELDA*smoothes hair*: You're right. Looks like it's up to us, Irene.

TINGLE FAIRY: Tingle Tingle Koo-loo Limpah!

*ZELDA & IRENE release their magic! A golden light (A/N: Because every final burst of magic must be golden) hits TINGLE FAIRY*

TINGLE FAIRY: Tingle Tingle Koo-loo Limpah?!

*A flash so bright, everyone must shield their eyes! The light settles down… and all that's left of TINGLE FAIRY is a pile of ash. The restored Master Sword has somehow managed to reappear in its pedestal. Silence, except for the sounds of OSFALA yelling for help*

LINK: …he's gone.

ZELDA*grimly*: But not dead. I'm afraid that Tingle, although no longer a fairy, cannot die. He's somewhere in Hyrule, most likely lying in wait for the next hero to come across his path.

LINK*solemnly*: I pity him.

SHEEROW: AH HA HA HA! IMMA KILL YOU NOW, PUNK!

HOUSEKEEPER: MY LOVE, I SHALL SAVE YOU FROM THIS BIRD!

OSFALA: CAN'T. BREATHE!

IRENE: …Maybe we should help him.

LINK: Do we have to?

*ZELDA & IRENE glare*

LINK: Okay!

*Back at Hyrule Castle*

ZELDA*to SHEEROW*: So, you see, you can't kill him. He's a Sage. Hyrule needs him.

SHEEROW*seething*: But I must end him! He is my enemy!

IRENE: Why do you hate him so much?

OSFALA*hiding behind IRENE*: What she said!

SHEEROW: Why?! Why?! I'll tell you why! *spot light falls on him* Because he – he -!

LINK*to himself*: …it can talk.

SHEEROW: He was in my horror scope!

Everyone: …?

SHEEROW: The day that my beloved master rented the sand rod to this punk, I read my horror scope. It said that I would meet a guy just like him, who would be my enemy! It described him very minutely! It said I had to defeat him, or else harm would befall my master!

Everyone: ….

ZELDA: But… even if that kind of stuff were true, defeat does not necessarily mean kill.

SHEEROW: …it doesn't?

ZELDA: No!

SHEEROW: …weird.

ZELDA*sighing*: And you've definitely defeated Osfala, so why don't you go home? Nothing will happen to your master.

SHEEROW: You sure?

ZELDA: I'm sure.

SHEEROW: Then I guess I can leave the punk alone. *glares at OSFALA, who backs up* And I do miss my master. *suddenly teary eyed* He needs my ninja skills to keep off the monsters! He and the princess need me! *zooms away, presumably to leave Hyrule*

IRENE: Well, that was weird.

ZELDA: At least we've gotten all our problems taken care of.

LINK: Not quite!

ZELDA & IRENE: …?

LINK: Zelda! You still have to choose: me or Osfala?

ZELDA: …Oh, yes.

LINK*puffs out chest*: It'll be me, right? 'cause Imma hero!

OSFALA*shoves LINK out of the way*: You? As if! You didn't stand a chance against that Tingle Fairy!

LINK: Well, you didn't stand a chance against that housekeeper and bird!

OSFALA: Say that again, to my face!

LINK: Well, you didn't stand a chance against that housekeeper and bird!

OSFALA: _Oh, that is it!_

ZELDA: Stop fighting, or I won't choose anyone!

LINK & OSFALA: … *shake hands* Hello, friend!

ZELDA & IRENE*face palm*

*Suddenly, GHIRAHIM, YUGA, and VAATI appear!*

ZELDA & IRENE: O_O

GHIRAHIM: Hello, darlings!

YUGA: Having a fabulous day?

VAATI: …

ZELDA: …Are you 3 here to threaten Hyrule?

YUGA: Puh-lease girl! We are so done with that!

GHIRAHIM*nodding in agreement*: Right! We have better things to do! Like shopping! And exchanging fashion tips!

VAATI*face palms*

YUGA: But we noticed that you were caught in a love triangle. LE GASP! A terrible thing, my girl!

GHIRAHIM: Yes, it really is! And Yuga and I just could not bear the thought of you being stuck with one of those two! DOUBLE LE GASP! Oh, the horror!

YUGA: So, we jumped to a different timeline, and found Vaati for you! He's perfect!

GHIRAHIM: Yes! And no need to thank us, darling; matchmaking is just part of being fabulous!

YUGA & GHIRAHIM: We bid you… a fabulous good bye!

*They fabulously vanish*

ZELDA: …

IRENE: …

VAATI: …

IRENE: Soooo… I'll be over there. *points to a corner in the room* Have fun! *leaves*

ZELDA: Well… this is awkward. *glances at LINK and OSFALA, who have resumed arguing, completely oblivious to the scene playing out*

VAATI: What fools, those two are.

ZELDA: …I really can't argue with you there. But wait. Aren't you an evil villain?

VAATI*haughtily*: My dear, that was thousands of years ago. I've adapted.

ZELDA: Uh-huh. And I suppose you're going to tell me you are the most humble person ever?

VAATI: Of course not. I have no qualms telling everyone I'm better than them.

ZELDA: …

VAATI: But really, my dear, you would be making a terrible mistake, choosing one of them. That green 'hero' of yours is a complete jerk.

ZELDA: So are you.

VAATI: Possibly. But at least I don't treat you like a damsel in distress.

ZELDA*thoughtfully*: True…

VAATI: Besides, I actually have knowledge in politics, which would be much more helpful to you than brawn. And that Sage? Not only is he a complete imbecile, he is taken.

*For the HOUSEKEEPER is sneaking about in a corner, watching OSFALA intently*

ZELDA: …You know what? You're right! *calls to LINK and OSFALA* Boys! Sorry, but I'm choosing Vaati!*

LINK & OSFALA: Whaaaaaat?!

VAATI*smugly*: Excellent choice, my dear. *ZELDA & VAATI walk out of the room, ignoring LINK & OSFALA*

IRENE: …ouch.

OSFALA & LINK: -_-

HOUSEKEEPER*suddenly jumps out of corner*: OSFALA, darling!

OSFALA: Gah! *runs out of room, pursued by HOUSEKEEPER*

IRENE: I'd better go save him. He's lucky I like him. *chases HOUSEKEEPER*

LINK: … … … I've… been… rejected.

*Meanwhile, in Lorule*

SHEEROW: Ninja Sheerow transformation! Ha ha ha! Die, monsters, dieee!

HILDA*watching destruction from safety of castle*: Wow… he's actually getting rid of the stray monsters.

RAVIO*blowing nose in a tissue*: Of course he is! Oh, that's my little Sheerow!

HILDA: Indeed… Now, Ravio, I understand you still have about half your stash of rupees?

RAVIO*gulping*: Ye – yes?

SHEEROW*from outside*: DIE, MONSTER SCUM!

HILDA: Excellent. We can use them to start repairing the castle!

RAVIO: T_T Good bye, my profit…

The end!

* * *

**Well, how was it? Funny, I hope? How did you like Sheerow's reason for hating Osfala? And what about that plot twist? Was it random or what?! Well, look forward to the bonus chapters!**


	8. The Epilouge to End All Epilouges!

**Yay, teh epilogue! Ah, we are so close to the complete end of this! *sniffs* Although I'm honestly starting to run out of steam for this, I'm still a bit sad to see it ending. I want to thank SkyKly, HazelGamerEyes, and GerudoSpirit for reviewing and following this insane story through all its stages! You guys are the best! I also want to thank the guests who have also reviewed this! Okay, disclaimer time! Sadly, I don't have anyone to do it for me, this time.**

**I do not own Legend of Zelda or any of its characters. Sure wish I did. I bet if I did, it would be an even bigger hit than it is now!**

**Link: She lies! Don't believe her! If she owned us, the game would go down hill, all because she'd make it so ridiculous, no one would be able to take it seriously! **

**...Okay, so maybe Link's telling the truth there. Well, enjoy and review!**

* * *

The people of Hyrule soon discovered that the man Zelda recently married used to be a demonic eye ball that probably still wanted to kill them all. It was true that Vaati often had what Zelda called 'lapses', such as trying to turn the Hyrulean guards into stone, obsessily muttering about a 'light force' (whatever that was. Zelda never found out), trying to kill Link, and ranting about 'taking over Hyrule and enslaving all its people! AH HA HA HA!', but it was nothing that Zelda couldn't handle. And nothing that anyone could prove. Whenever they tired, they would either get the 'death glare of doom' from Zelda, or some lovely new statues would appear in Hyrule Castle's garden.

And so, Zelda and Vaati lived happily ever after… at least during the times Vaati wasn't acting like he belonged in a psyche ward.

Link ended up getting sent to intense therapy, as he never quite got over the trauma of the Tingle Fairy, and being rejected by Zelda. Sadly, the poor boy never quite recovered, and suffered from severe hallucinations. The last time anyone heard of Link, he had run off into the Lost Woods, claiming he needed to 'stop the moon from crushing Termina!' Whatever that meant.

Ravio and Hilda were able to fix up Lorule Castle, and the people of Lorule finally began to rebuild better lives. Ravio eventually got over the loss of his profit, and set up a thriving merchant/protection business, just south of Lorule Castle. Ravio was known for the shrewdest deals in Lorule (suspiciously close to ripping people off). Sheerow ran the protection business, offering his ninja skills to protect people from the odd monster that occasionally popped up. Of course, the customer had to pay a handsome amount of rupees first.

Impa, Rosso, Seres, Guelly, and Oren all led normal enough lives, although Oren and Seres would occasionally get together to talk about 'that adorable Osfala'. Guelly never did get all his questions answered.

As for our hero(?) Osfala? Well, Irene was able to save him from the Housekeeper, and eventually got Zelda to threaten the housekeeper with banishment, if she didn't leave Osfala alone. The Housekeeper reluctantly gave up on Osfala, and went to live in the Lost Woods, where she eventually went insane. She could occasionally be seen talking to a tree, that she had named 'Osfala'.

Irene was finally able to get Osfala to get over Zelda's crushing rejection of him. Deciding they both had had enough of the insanity of Hyrule and its people, Irene and Osfala went on a journey, to discover new lands with hopefully sane people. They were last heard to be at a nice tropical island, living an insanity-free life of ease and luxury. Or so the Legends of Osfala's Adventures say…

* * *

**So - so beautiful! *wipes tear of happiness* Anyway, although these might be slow to update (or maybe not; I don't know yet), be sure to watch for some bonus chapters!**


	9. Random Chapter is Random

**Ah, a bonus chapter! As you can see, it takes place after my main story. (If it can be called a story). And it is completely random, with no plot at all. Oh, and you may have noticed that in my previous chapters, I tried to keep Hilda and Vaati in character. Not this time. Nope. Anyway, in honor of Princess Agitha apparently being a playable character in Hyrule Warriors (yay, can't wait!) she makes an appearence in this chapter! And, she gets the disclaimer! Go!**

**Princess Agitha: Melkor'sOnlyLieutenant does not own Legend of Zelda or any of its characters. If she did, there would be lots more bugs! Right?**

**Um, yes, Agitha, there would! (No, not att all!) Anyway, enjoy and review!**

**Link: I finally remembered what to say... and I lost my chance  
**

* * *

*A lovely day at Hyrule Castle. ZELDA is outside, enjoying the sunshine, peace, and all that*

ZELDA: Ah, it's been so peaceful these past 2 years. Well, granted Vaati has his 'episodes' and Hyrule's hero went insane and got himself lost in the Lost Woods (well done, genius), but other than that, everything has been wonderful! And this last week has been particularly nice! Even Vaati has been relatively normal!

*An anguished scream comes from somewhere in the castle*

ANGUISHED SCREAM*somewhere in the castle*: ARRRRGGGGGHHHH!

ZELDA: …I spoke too soon.

*VAATI comes rushing out of the castle, looking like the world is going to end. His normally shiny, nice hair is… rather…*

ZELDA: …wow, his hair is… extremely frizzy. And tangled.

VAATI*livid*: Who took it?! WHO?!

*A random castle guard, alerted by the noise, comes rushing out*

RANDOM GUARD: Is everything alrig-?!

VAATI: How dare you show your face while I'm having a moment! TO STONE WITH YOU!

*RANDOM GUARD turns to stone*

ZELDA*sighing*: That's the 4th guard this week. *to VAATI* So, Vaati, what's wrong?

VAATI*glaring*: What's wrong?! I'll tell you 'what's wrong'! My hair products are gone! And my mirror!

ZELDA: So, _that's _how your hair is always so shiny and straight. You use hair products!

VAATI: Well, what did you think? My hair was that way naturally?

ZELDA: …yes, actually.

*A group of RANDOM GUARDS shows up*

RANDOM GUARD # 2: My lady, is something wrong? We heard –

VAATI: Insolent fool! I am talking to my wife, not you! TO STONE WITH YOU! TO STONE WITH YOU ALL!

*RANDOM GUARDS turn to stone*

ZELDA*face palm*: Dearest, you really must stop doing that. We will run out of guards.

VAATI: So? We can always replace them. And that's not important! What's important is finding my hair products and mirror!

ZELDA: I wonder who would have taken those things in the first place. It's not like they'll sell for a lot of rupees.

*We flash over to a random part of Hyrule. GHIRAHIM is fabulously strutting along, holding a mirror and some hair products, one being a hair straightener*

GHIRAHIM*humming his theme song*: What fabulous hair products! Why, these are even better than mine! Well, we can't expect anything less from the husband of Princess Zelda! *now fretting* And I really _do_ need such high quality hair products as this. All the humidity in the air is messing up my beautiful hair! *fussily pats hair, while using mirror to see it*

*YUGA (miraculously alive and back to normal) from somewhere near GHIRAHIM'S path, spots GHIRAHIM*

YUGA: LE GASP! My friend!

GHIRAHIM: DOUBLE LE GASP! My friend!

*The two proceed to gossip for 5 hours*

YUGA*just noticing GHIRAHIM'S loot*: Ooooh, what fabulous hair products! Where did you get them?!

GHIRAHIM: Hyrule Castle! They're even of a better quality than mine! Let's go try them out!

YUGA: Yes, let's!

*And they skip off into the sunset, as the sun decided to set, right at this very minute*

*Back at Hyrule Castle. VAATI is still panicking. ZELDA, calm and collected, is trying to calm VAATI. Suddenly, RAVIO and SHEEROW appear!*

ZELDA: ?!

VAATI: How dare you interrupt! TO STONE WITH -!

ZELDA: Vaati, wait! Those two are my friends!

VAATI: Hummph! Lucky for you two fools.

ZELDA: What are you doing here? And how did you get here?

RAVIO: I don't know how we go there. On minute, I was busy ripping people- I mean, managing my business, and suddenly Sheerow and I were here!

SHEEROW: Hrm. It must be destiny!

ZELDA: …what must be destiny?

SHEEROW: That I find that yellow guy and kill him! Clearly, I should have never listened to you to spare his life!

ZELDA: You mean Osfala? But he isn't in Hyrule. He and Irene left two years ago, to travel.

SHEEROW: …is he coming back?

ZELDA: No.

SHEEROW: …snap. Foiled again!

VAATI: There's plenty of people in Hyrule for you to kill. Take your pick!

SHEEROW*thoughtful look*: Hmm…

ZELDA*slapping VAATI*: Don't give him any ideas!

RAVIO: Hee hee, silly Sheerow. He makes such funny jokes!

ZELDA & VAATI: …

SHEEROW*innocent smile*: I have a great sense of humor.

RAVIO: So, where's Mr. Hero? He was one of my best vic- I mean, costumers.

VAATI*quite pleased*: The so-called 'hero' has lost his mind, and ran off to the Lost Woods, looking for 'Termina'.

ZELDA: Whatever that is…

VAATI: Finally, one of that brat's incarnations got what he deserved! AH HA HA HA! *proceeds to laugh like a manic for 20 min*

ZELDA*face palm*

*We go to a completely different timeline. A town with a giant clock. A huge (HUGE, I TELL YOU!) moon with a completely unnecessary creepy face is about to crush all the little ants… I mean, people. A completely different LINK than the crazy LINK is in the middle of the town, with a fairy*

TATL: Why aren't you on the clock tower?! We need to stop that moon! You have the song!

LINK: …but I lost the Ocarina of Time.

TATL: …

TATL: …

TATL: …

TATL: YOU WHAT?!

*Moon crashes, killing everyone in a big, fiery explosion. In the midst of the destruction, a creepy laugh can be heard*

CREEPY VOICE: You've met with a terrible fate, haven't you?

*We return to the timeline of Hyrule/Lorule. A quick stop in the Lost Woods*

CRAZY LINK: Termina! I'm a-comin! *glares at sky* I know you're there, moon…

*Back to Hyrule Castle*

SHEEROW: Ninja Sheerow Transformation!

*SHEEROW transforms into an epic ninja!*

SHEEROW: Imma find that yellow punk! *zooms off*

RAVIO: He'll be back. *eyes suddenly gleam with greed* So, Princess… I heard you have lots of rupees. Care to hear about my merchant business?

ZELDA: You'll just overcharge me.

RAVIO*shocked*: Overcharge a dear friend?! Never!

*HILDA suddenly appears!*

HILDA: Ravio! There you are! Honestly, every time I want to talk to you, you always disappear!

RAVIO*whining*: That's because you want me to give you half of what I make!

HILDA: Well, that's a reasonable request. If it were not for me, people would have never visited your shop! I recommended you, didn't I? I set up advertisements! It's only fair I get half the profits! *notices ZELDA* Oh, hello, Princess Zelda. Don't mind us; we'll leave for Lorule right away. *glares at RAVIO* _Won't we, Ravio?_

RAVIO*gulps*: Y-yes, Princess.

HILDA: Let's go! *pulls RAVIO by his ear*

RAVIO: Ouch! Ouch! Wait! Sheerow hasn't come back!

VAATI: You! Random guard #18! Tell me where my hair products are!

ZELDA: …

HILDA: Ravio, come on!

RAVIO: But – Sheerow!

VAATI: Oh, you don't know, do you?! TO STONE WITH YOU!

ZELDA: VAATI!

*SHEEROW zooms back*

SHEEROW: Curses! That pretty boy has eluded me… Whatever, it's time to go!

HILDA*to ZELDA*: Sorry about this! Ravio is a bit of an idiot sometimes; but he means no harm!

RAVIO: Noooo, I don't want to give up half my precious rupees!

SHEEROW: Will I ever kill that yellow man…?!

*HILDA, RAVIO, & SHEEROW go back to Lorule*

ZELDA: I feel a headache coming on…

RANDOM GUARD # 19: I don't know who took them! Waaaah!

VAATI: TO STONE -!

*ZELDA tackles VAATI to the ground, saving the poor, little guard. She proceeds to drag a protesting VAATI back into the castle*

VAATI: Hey! I need to find my hair products!

ZELDA: Just give it up, dear. You can get new hair products, okay?

*In the distance, IRENE & OSFALA watch the whole scene, looking amazed*

IRENE: We came back to check up on everyone…

OSFALA: …But they seem to be doing fine.

IRENE: They're insane, as always. Well, no need to stay any longer! We already can see that they haven't changed.

OSFALA: No need to risk their insanity rubbing off on us.

*IRENE & OSFALA leave, presumably to the insane-free tropical island*

*Meanwhile, in yet _another_ timeline…*

PRINCESS AGITHA*aura of doom around her*: Grrr… I know you still have bugs..

TWILIGHT LINK: _How?! How does she know these things?!_

MIDNA*from LINK'S shadow*: Why don't you just give her the bugs…?

The end!

* * *

**I'm sorry this took so long to update. I had run out of ideas. The next bonus chapter will be my last, because I don't want to continue this story after that. It'll be all about Ghirahim and Yuga!**


	10. Look At My Amazing Chapter Title

**Well, here is the last chapter! This is the end of this fan fic, folks! I hope you all enjoyed it! So, this chapter turned out... different than I thought it would. But there you go. Oh, and if you're wondering why Ghirahim was humming the Lorule Castle theme, I was listening to it while I wrote! :D Anyway, I just want to say that if anything in this chapter seems sort of yaoish... it isn't. Although I do like yaoi, I did not intend for any of that in this fic. Ghirahim and Yuga are just friends in this story, that's all. Anyway, Imma let Zant do the disclaimer!**

**Zant: Melkor'sOnlyLieutenant does not own Legend of Zelda or any of its characters. If she did, I'd be in more games, because I'm awesome and insane. And just plain adorable. Right?**

**Ganondorf: Ha! No you wouldn't! No one likes you!**

**Zant: ... *sniffles***

**Hey! It's _you_ no one likes, Ganny! Leave Zant alone! Of course he would be in more games! Because he's extremely adorable! *pats Zant on head***

**Zant: ^_^**

**Ganny: -_-**

**...It's really obvious that I'm a Zant fan, isn't it? (he's gonna be in Hyrule Warriors! Wheee!)Enjoy and review!**

* * *

*A wonderfully wonderful day in Hyrule. YUGA is sneaking about Hyrule field. He seems frustrated… fabulously frustrated*

YUGA*fabulously frustrated*: Oh, come on! I have been searching for 3 months now, and I've only got half the sages?! How is this possible?! Perfection like me should have found them all in two seconds flat! Oh, the cruelty! *dramatically throws what can only be called a temper tantrum* WHY, WHY MEEEEE?! I'M ONLY DOING WHAT I MUST! WHY, OH WHY, IS FATE AGAINST ME! AAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHH!

*GHIRHAHIM suddenly appears!*

GHIRAHIM*humming Lorule Castle theme*: Nothing like a completely separate timeline for a vacation! *sighs tiredly* Being a fabulous Demon Lord is just so exhausting sometimes. I constantly have to come up with plans to defeat that pesky Sky Child and find that spirit maiden, all the while trying to always look fabulous! *wipes forehead* So tiring, I just needed to take a break! Of course, I was supposed to be ready for the second battle with that Sky Child, but I'm sure he won't mind waiting!

*Meanwhile, we visit Skyward Link*

SKY LINK: …so, where's the boss?

*LINK'S sword flashes. He ignores it*

LINK: How am I supposed to get the sacred flame when there is no boss?!

*Sacred flame appears. LINK'S sword flashes. He ignores it*

LINK: …works for me.

*Sword flashes*

LINK: Okay, Fi, what is it?!

FI*materializing*: There is an 87.8976574% chance that the sacred flame has appeared.

LINK: …no kidding.

*Back to GHIRAHIM & YUGA!*

GHIRAHIM*just noticing YUGA*: Oooooh, Yuga! *waves frantically*

YUGA*pauses in middle of epic ranting*: Huh? *sees GHIRAHIM* Oooooooh, Ghirahim!

*The two rush to each other kiss each other on the cheeks*

YUGA: I haven't seen you since I captured that yellow sage! How have you been?! Have you killed the hero from your time yet?!

GHIRAHIM: Not yet, but I will! *sighs dramatically* I needed a vacation. Being a fabulous Demon Lord is _so_ tiring.

YUGA*sympathetically*: Ah, I know what you mean. It's hard being fabulous and evil at the same time, isn't it?

*Both trail off to contemplative silence. YUGA finally speaks*

YUGA: So, why don't we go shopping? That always relieves the stress!

GHIRAHIM: Excellent idea!

*The two vanish to a fashionable shopping district that does not appear in the game*

YUGA*holding up some outfit*: Oooh, isn't this fabulous?! I must have it!

GHIRAHIM*holding up 3 outfits and some make up*: Yuga, you must have these! Look at them; they'll make you even more fabulous!

YUGA: Yes! Those are perfect! Like me!

*Both shop for 10 hours straight. The shops don't close, because the shop owners are too busy cowering in a corner. Actually, the whole shopping district was abandoned, once those two showed up…*

GHIRAHIM: Ah, that was refreshing! I always love to shop, but I don't have time, lately!

YUGA: I know, right?! It's sad, really. Sometimes I think that, by being villains, we miss out on the finer things in life…

*Both look sad. Then perk up, in 2 seconds*

BOTH: Nah, who are we kidding?! Being fabulous and evil is what we do!

*Suddenly LINK rolls into the district. He rolls about, smashing pots and ramming into trees. He gathers all the rupees that appear from that, and then proceeds to cut all the grass. More rupees, and a… oooooh, is that a golden bee?!*

YUGA: …does the hero in your time do that?

GHIRAHIM: All the time. I place clay pots everywhere, just to distract him on his journey.

YUGA: What a grand idea…

*LINK accidently slashes a random cucco as he cuts the grass. LINK freezes. And aura of evilness surrounds the now ticked cucco. Intense silence…*

CUCCO: CUCCOOOO!

*A flock of demon (because, really, they're little demons) cuccos descend on LINK! LINK runs away, screaming in terror, as the evil cuccos chase him, pecking him without mercy*

YUGA: …maybe I should use those cuccos as a trap…

GHIRAHIM: …too bad we don't have those in my timeline!

YUGA: Oooh, can I paint a picture of you?! I really need to paint some more, and I haven't found a good subject, except for those sages, and I can't find anymore at the moment!

GHIRAHIM*fabulously touched*: A painting… of me? No one has ever asked for that before! *sniffles* I'll do it!

YUGA: Perfect! For this, I will not use my magic paintbrush; it'll just trap you in a painting. *snaps fingers. Paints and a canvas appear*

YUGA: Alright… hmm, what kind of pose should I have you do…?

GHIRAHIM: Ooooh, how about this?! *strikes fabulous, seductive pose. Tons of fan girls (and boys) from the fandom universe die from a major nose bleed*

YUGA: Perfect!

*YUGA pains GHIRAHIM in seductive pose. Being the Fabulous Duo, it only takes a few hours to paint the picture. All the while, the sun never goes down…*

YUGA: Why, this painting is…

GHIRAHIM: Fabuloooooouuuussss!

YUGA*wipes tear of happiness*: Yes, yes it is!

*The sun suddenly goes down*

GHIRAHIM: Why, this has been a most fabulous day! But I should probably get back to slaughtering the Sky Child! I _did_ promise him I'd make his ears bleed from the sound of his own screams!

YUGA*solemnly*: A very noble promise, that. You mustn't break it. I suppose I should get back to looking for the sages.

GHIRAHIM*just as solemnly*: We both have fabulous and noble futures ahead of us, my friend. Well! Have fun with your scheme; make that hero die a horrible death!

YUGA: I will! Slaughter millions of innocents!

GHIRAHIM: I will!

*Sparkles fall down on the pair! Fabulous music plays! Trumpets blast. The two strike fabulous poses!*

YUGA: We will succeed!

GHIRAHIM: We must!

YUGA: FOR

GHIRAHIM: WE

YUGA: ARE

GHIRAHIM: THE

YUGA & GHIRAHIM: FABULOUS DUO!

*Suddenly VAATI appears!*

VAATI: Excuse me?! Who said you two got to claim the title of fabulous! I'm clearly the fabulous one! Besides, look at how many fan girls I have!

*Millions upon millions of fan girls appear, screaming their support and undying love for VAATI*

YUGA: Oh, yeah?! Well, we have fan girls to!

*More fan girls show up, screaming YUGA & GHIRAHIM'S names. Suddenly, DARK LINK appears!*

DARK LINK: I'm more fabulous than any of you! After all, Link has at least a bazillion fans, and I'm his shadow! I can't be beat!

*DARK LINK fan girls show up! SHADOW LINK appears!*

SHADOW LINK: Hey! I have fans too! And (in the manga) I turn good and help the heroes! I should be the most fabulous one!

DARK LINK: Save it, kid. No one cares about you!

SHADOW: What was that?! *jumps up and down, and is noticeably way shorter than DARK*

*SHADOW fan girls appear!*

DARK: …is there a Mary Sue somewhere in there?!

*All villains proceed to back away from hoards of screaming fan girls, as there are indeed a few of the dreaded Sues in there*

*ZANT appears!*

VAATI: …What are you doing here?

GHIRAHIM: _You _aren't fabulous at all! I bet you don't have any fans!

ZANT*offended*: I am too! And I do have fans! Some find my insanity attractive and adorable, you know!

*ZANT fan girls appear! (A/N: C'mon, I _know _he has them!) Suddenly, GANONDORF (not Ganon beast form) appears!*

EVERYONE: …no, no, you don't even try.

GANONDORF: But – but I have fans, too…

*No fans appear…* GANONDORF sobs and vanishes*

YUGA: Well, now that that un-fabulous fellow is gone, the rest of you shoo!

GHIRAHIM: Yes! There is only room for two fabulous villains, and it is the Fabulous Duo!

*Everyone else grumpily vanishes. Fortunately, the fan girl hoards vanish too*

GHIRAHIM: Ah, well, now that that's over, I really must be leaving! I'll see you again soon, friend!

YUGA: Good luck!

GHIRAHIM: You too!

*GHIRAHIM vanishes. He appears back in his own time, only to discover that LINK has found everything he needed, including the Triforce, killed Demise, woke up ZELDA, destroyed the Gate of Time, and is currently guarding the Triforce with ZELDA*

GHIRAHIM: LE GASP! It cannot be! I've failed?! *falls to knees, wailing* Nooooooooooooos!

*Meanwhile, with YUGA…*

YUGA: DOUBLE LE GASP! Ghirahim forgot to take his painting home!

GANONDORF*from behind a tree… the creeper*: I – I _do _have fans. *looks at fellow stalker ZANT* Right?

ZANT*tilts head adorably*: Try being insane and adorable like me, and maybe you will.

GANONDORF: T_T

* * *

**I hope you all liked it! Well, we've finally reached the end of this story; 10 chapters, not bad! Look for more Zelda parodies in the future, because I doubt I'll be able to stop writing them! **

**Oh, and the part about Yuga painting Ghirahim in a seductive pose was an idea given to me by SkyKly! If anyone hasn't read her fan fic, 'Sealed Away' they must look at it!  
**


End file.
